My peripheral vision began to blur as I stared deeper into my steering wheel. Being on this end of that conversation made me long for the days gone by working in that factory.
I can still feel those concrete floors under my feet, the residue from packing tape on my hands. It was a dirty, exhausting job. But at least I was good at it.
Now, sitting in my idling car, I wish I could drive back, clock in, and leave ministry behind for a while. I would probably be less tired.
I drove to a nearby park that’s usually vacant during the afternoon. Of course, a few cars were there today. All I wanted was to be alone.
Because I didn’t want people to overhear this pastor shouting at God.
DISCONTENT WITH THE DIVINE
I hoped tears or words would come. They didn’t. All I could do was put the car in neutral again and stew (my Enneagram Five is showing).
I finally managed to ask, “Why?” My anger moved from simmering to boiling against the One who put me in this place to do this work. This was no longer between flesh and blood. This was discontent with the Divine.
We all have to deal with uncontrollable circumstances that beat us down or even change our very lives. People disappoint or damage us. Sometimes our righteous anger morphs into anger against our Maker.
What do we do with these God-sized frustrations in our lives? How do we express disappointment and distress to God without sinning? Is it even possible?